Exciting New Things

At the moment, I don't know why I started blogging. Let me see,

1. Do I like the anonymity of my thoughts? (Why am I so secretive?)
2. Can I really feel safe to share my real thoughts?
3. Did Julie Powell inspire me?
4. Do I want to be recognized like Julie Powell?
5. Am I part of the FAD?
6. I want to try out a new hobby?

Anyway, most of the times, I feel like I am not doing anything in particular. I stay at home, I eat when my stomach starts to hurt, I force myself to dump everyday (I use natural suppository), I spend a lot of time online (most of the time I am "appear offline") and worry about myself not working hard on my studies.

OK, now I'd like to see all the new things I have discovered from wasting my time.

1. I found a new "ebay-like" website where creative people sell their stuff.
(http://www.etsy.com)
I can spend a good hour enjoying other struggling people's creative ideas.

2. I found magazines that interested me.
(http://www.psychologies.co.uk/), (http://www.psychologytoday.com/), (http://www.mentalfloss.com/)

3. I shopped twice from online shopping site from UK. (https://www.asos.com/)
Both times I had to return the items back because the dresses didn't fit me.
I spent SGD40 on postage just to try on the dresses. *sigh*

4. I played facebook ZyngaPoker and I earnt 64K (this is not real money).

5. I watched the entire Season 1 of IN TREATMENT.

Structured or Scattered?

I have been working on my final reflection paper and I came to realize that I have a "mental dyslexia". Can you guess what I am trying to say?

Different thoughts come up all scattered and I can't focus on just one thing so I start writing, writing and I really have a lot of interesting things to say but I can't seem to be able to fit all my great thoughts and make them into a structure. And everything in life needs to be presented in some sort of structure right?

Henne says I have to work from top-down and not bottom-top. If that works for most people that's very interesting because I can't.

I was thinking that almost everything in life comes in some sort of structure. A story, a building, a drawing, a composition, a family, a therapy and a reflection paper. But why is structure so important in everything we do? Does structure assure sense of control in our lives?

Can it also mean that if I cannot have structured thoughts, people can perceive me as an unstable person? Is this a rational thought or an irrational one?

Well, all I know is that it's quite depressing to compete in this structural world with "mental dyslexia".

What is Psychotherapy?

OK... Let's face it. I come across close family members (including my hubby) and friends who think seeing a shrink is a luxury statement for people who have too much money and can afford to pay so that someone can listen to their whining about how bored they are with their lives. Most people look a bit confused when I tell them what I do (study counselling). Most people would politely ask me back "What is it about?". So I explain and then they would say... wow, how interesting... and they ask me a few questions to test out if I can provide them some convincing explanation for their problems (mainly relationships).

But I wonder, are people really convinced about psychotherapy? What is it that makes people discredit psychotherapy? Frankly, I know many family members and friends who have visited a shrink at least once or twice in their lives but then, they think the sessions were either futile or the therapist was incompetent. Do they think they were charged too expensive for an hour of talking where the other party seems like doing nothing but nodding and jotting down a few points?

Do clients feel like they are ripped off because there is/are no visible objects such as blood, syringes, nurses and medicine during treatment?

The thing is... can we really see our minds? Well no, unless the therapist induces one to talk. So the behavior of the patient and the underlying message a person is trying to convey in their language can be observed. Are psychotherapy sessions bloody and gruesome? Hell yeah, I think so... I know that if our minds can be seen, we won't look as nice and normal as we try to look on the outside. Many of us could be walking around and living with seriously ugly things inside us.

In one of my first therapies, the therapist asked me about my father and my relationship with him. Funnily he said something like, the way I have been relating to other people is somehow related to the way I interact(ed) with my father.

I go to study counselling and in my first year, the lecturer tells the students to describe our own parents. Why are our parents so important in our present lives? Do they really affect and shape us in everything we do and think?

Gee... I am tired now.. let me explore more tomorrow. I read somewhere in the Psychology magazine that there is a reason why therapy sessions are 50 minutes.

You wanna know why? It's because it's simply too tiring to think and exercise our emotions for too long. So good night my dear friend or friends!!!!

The New Psychologist Wannabe.. I call myself

Hi and WOW... This is my blog... my very own... Henne is my hubby and he is grinning at me and saying coyly "Is this going to be your next addiction?"...

What did he mean by that??? What was he inferring to? Does he mean that he noticed that I have an addictive personality? Does he think I am going to play with my blog for a short while until I get bored of it and abandon it like more or less everything I do in my life?

I am currently studying counselling and this is probably the only thing that I find so easy to engage my thoughts in.. analysing people, their behaviours, complex minds and feelings. I dream of people, I wake up trying to analyse the meaning of my dream then I relate the dream to the real people, I try to find out the reason and I go to bed running through my thoughts of the day then I fall asleep and I dream again.... For the time being, I enjoy my new hobby.

I can be extremely open.. I can be direct and indirect depending on the situation. These days I feel lonely.. I wish I could have one friend who can share my feelings and my world views besides my husband. I know he will get all paranoid and ask me "what do you mean by having an intimate friend besides me?".. well, he should know that a person needs more than her partner in her social network.

Anyway, I am glad now I am part of this new "social media". I am hoping that I will feel less lonely as I share my honest thoughts and feelings about myself and people around me.

So I would like to toast to me, myself and my blog.

CHEERS!!!!!!